10 Important Boundaries Everyone Should Set In 2019

Try: “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it [full stop].” NOT: “Oh, I’m so sorry — I have another thing that day, and it probably won’t end in time, though I guess there’s a chance it will wrap up early, and if it does, then maybe I can…..”• Don’t apologize. So, how about [change of subject?]”• Humor: “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be the first to see the ultrasound/next year’s tax returns.” • Simplicity: “Oh, that’s too personal for me to answer.”• “I know you’re just asking that because you want me to be happy, but it actually catches me off guard and makes me unhappy. Flight attendants know it well: put on your own oxygen mask first!Try saying something like:• “I'm sorry, I know you really want to talk right now, and I wish I could. Can we make plans to catch up at [specific time, specific place that you set aside] so that I can give you my full attention?”• “I know lately it seems like we’re on different schedules: you’re able to text/call/hang out/invite me to things more than I can manage in my schedule right now. Can we make plans for that?”• “You know, I’ve been thinking: I probably need more alone time/time with my friends/quiet time/work time than you do, and I wanted to say something sooner rather than later. It’s important to remember that certain sexual precedents can get set fairly easily, and if we don’t look out for our own physical and emotional health within a relationship, we are bound to pay the emotional price with discomfort and distress later on.These might help start the conversation:• “This is difficult to bring up, but I wanted to make sure that we’re on the same page. I want to hear more of other things you like, though — I know there are a lot of ways we can have fun that feel good for both of us.”• “I was thinking about what we did the other night, and the more time has passed, the less it felt right for me. Use these in response to personal questions *or* oversharing:• With a polite smile: “Oh, I don’t usually discuss that at work.”• With a sly grin: “Ooh — but that information is classified!”• “Oh, Mark, you know it’s so much more fun to talk about these account spreadsheets! If you always immediately stop mid-sentence to let them complete their intrusion, they’ll get what they want and have no reason to stop.Here's what you can do:• Keep on talking steadily with polite eye contact until you finish your thought, even if it means you are talking simultaneously.• If you're in a group, look around at others so as to keep your momentum and not yet acknowledge the interruption, while continuing with what you’re saying.• State with a pleasant smile, “Just one moment — I wasn’t quite done.”• Have a more substantial private discussion: “I don’t think you’re aware of it, but sometimes when I’m talking about things that are important to me, you interrupt. And in fact, if you can establish a workable boundary about your physical space early on, then there is less chance of you feeling increasingly uncomfortable over time and building toward an escalation — or an explosion.Here are some useful tactics:• Play defense through offense: Stave off a hug or a kiss by sticking out your hand confidently and immediately, establishing the handshake instead of the hug.• Be simple and direct: With a polite smile, say, "Oh, I’m not a hugger."• Ask for what you need: “Oh, would you mind giving me a little space, please?