15 Real-Life Sex And Intimacy Questions You?re Too Embarrassed Or Shy To Ask About ? Answered By Experts

This way, you can date and explore sex at your pace in a fun and pleasurable manner.Dr. Dulcinea Alex Pitagora: The first step is realizing that sexuality, eroticism, masculinity, and dominance all start in the brain, not in the bedroom — or wherever you like having sex. In fact, having different tastes is more common that having perfect overlap.Many couples never get clarity about their sex lives because it feels embarrassing to talk about it. I'm curious how you feel about it?' Then later, 'I'm curious if it's not an activity that we are both mutually comfortable with, is there a way for us to get creative with simulating that same sensation?'Again, when we recognize that our partner is turned on by a particular activity, and lead with 'this turns me on,' then it's way easier to hear our partner's desires and be open to finding a place for overlap or compromise.Salima Ndoye: Not everyone will have the same experience. If not — and your monogamy won’t allow for exploration of any kind — you might consider expanding on the fantasies that you’re already having and bringing them into sexual interactions with your partner.Salima Ndoye: I think it’s important to do what makes you feel comfortable and safe. If it’s your first time, ask your partner to go very slowly, spend a lot of time getting aroused first — however that happens for you — use lots of lube, stimulate the anal opening, and start with one or two well-lubed fingers (gloved hands often feel better), then slowly start with a smaller toy. Almost as importantly, being able to voice your desires and boundaries will help you access the pleasurable and consensual sex you want.Lastly, I would consider reading some helpful books to help you on your journey, such as The Body Keeps the Score and Victims No Longer.Dr. Pitagora: Given the vast range of sensations the body is capable of, I try not to use the word 'normal' to describe any kind of sex. If you really want to engage in penetrative sex, masturbate with smaller toys to see if that feels better, and/or ask your partner to go slowly, and explore to see whether certain areas and movements feel better than others. There are many ways people guard against vulnerability and intimacy, with avoidance of sex being one of many strategies.Dr. Pitagora: I really try not to make assumptions about sexuality, but given the lack of explicit question here, I’ll assume there’s some sort of unasked question about orgasms. It may be possible to have an orgasm with a lot of communication about what feels good and exploration with your partner, but before any of that happens, the pressure you’re probably feeling about having an orgasm needs to be released. A good place to start is to give yourself permission to feel pleasure without including orgasm as a goal, and see what happens.Dr. Pitagora: There’s plenty of exploring you can do via masturbation, including playing with yourself with the help of toys.