50 Tweets From Parents In 2020 That Had No Right Being This Funny

3: we private nowMy son has a Thomas the Train bed and now I’ll never sleep againMy total was $129 at target and my kid was like “I can put this back” lmao GIRL $1.29 for your snickers bar isn’t gonna fix this 😂Every time I tell my daughter I love her, she responds with, “I love daddy,” which is toddler speak for go fuck yourself, mama. I’m raising savages.My son who has just learned how babies are made looked at me and my husband then at his two brothers and said ‘you guys had three sexes right’ so sometimes having kids is kind of alrightCan anyone recommend a good wine that pairs well with a teenager's shitty attitude?My 8 year old daughter just yelled “Oh no the toilet is smoking!!” My wife and I ran to the bathroom to find this. It sounds wonderful.My son asked my 7yo how she would survive a bear attack and she replied she would try to be his friend, thus making her the most adorable of my children but also the least likely to survive an encounter with an actual bear.My teenager thinks we live in a hotel now!love shack just came on and my son asked “is that john mulaney?” i’m cryingY’all my daughter asked why we grow hair on our private parts and I was like “idk baby that’s a good question” & she sits on my bed dead serious & goes “maybe it was just God adding little details” 🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂telling my 6 year old about homeschooling for the next couple months and he asked if i had to do that when i was a kid and i said no and then he asked if chairs were even invented yet, so i think the first thing we’ll study is his fucking attitude.Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail. In case you’re wondering about some of the ways motherhood crushes your soul.I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free.Our homeschooling curriculum includes: Honors Laundry and AP Vaccumming.My daughter came in the room saying we need to talk.